How to avoid getting beaten up when dealing with debtors (or other conflict situations)
Several years ago I was managing a security company specializing in club security. One night I noticed a man who had had far too much to drink, (not an unusual sight in a nightclub). I called one of my guards over and told him to strike up a conversation with him, find out his name, and buy him a drink. The guard found this a somewhat unusual request from his boss but he humoured me. Why did I do it?
About 2 hours later I noticed him arguing with another man. I immediately called my guard over and told him to go over with a big smile on his face, shake the guy’s hand and step in between him and the other man.
The scenario played something like this. My guard went over and did as I had asked. He called him by name, shook his hand and said, "Do you remember me?" This immediately changed his focus and gave my guard the opportunity to use some human relation skills to subdue the situation. They then entered into a discussion regarding the situation and my guard led him away saying, "They’re not worth it. Come on, have a drink with me".
How did I know there was going to be a situation? Body language. Conflict resolution in face-to-face situations is not just about being able to talk your way out of trouble (although that certainly helps) but about predicting that there will be trouble. We all have some of the skills to do this. You get home at the end of the day, take one look at your partner’s face and say, "Had a bad day"? It’s about reading the situation and starting to deal with it before it explodes.
If you’re going to "front up" to someone about unpaid accounts, here are seven simple rules:
1. SAFETY FIRST! Never compromise your safety in a face-to-face confrontation. Know the background of your client. If at any stage the situation gets to a level where you feel uncomfortable, leave. If the level of emotion rises rapidly, leave. Wherever possible, if meeting at a destination set by them, take another person along. Don’t be a hero. When confronted with physical violence, run like hell.
2. Remember - nobody enjoys owing money they can’t pay back. Creditors often underestimate how unpleasant the debtor finds this and the stress he or she is likely to be under.
3. Watch the clients’ body language. As I’ve said, if you can learn to read your client’s emotions before they are expressed, you are much more likely to be able to nip problems in the bud. This is one of the keys to being successful in face-to-face confrontations.
4. If body language is one key, another is to understand the emotions underlying anger and violent behaviour (the things we want to avoid). These are likely to be things like:
- Frustration (the client is not getting what they want)
- Feeling unimportant
- Feeling stupid or incompetent (they don’t understand the things you’re saying)
- Guilt (they haven't paid)
- Powerlessness (they don't have the money to pay)
You need to deal with these emotions before they break out in undesirable behaviour. If you are showing them that they are important and that they’re not stupid and that they don’t need to "beat themselves up" over the guilt they’re feeling, they will be less likely to beat you up. For example, when making an appointment with a client give them back some power. If expedient, allow them to set the time, date and venue. (Bear in mind, as I said before, that wherever possible, if meeting at a destination set by them, take another person along. And if you have an indications that there is likely to be a physical risk, see my first point - safety first.) They will also be more relaxed in a venue they’re comfortable with, and allowing them to set the time increases your chance of catching them at a good time. If you have a restricted timeframe, give them a list of suitable times and let them pick one. Often the subject you will be discussing has already had some sort of effect on them. They may well be embarrassed, angry, frustrated, or all of the above. They may have had unpleasant experiences with other staff members from your office. If you must have the conference at your place of work (and the pressures of time make this unavoidable in some cases) explain to them that it is a requirement, and apologise for any inconvenience. Humility can ingratiate you to them. (Blame it on your boss or company policy if you have to. This will take the focus off you.)
5. Never start the meeting from your most extreme position. Let them talk first. Be low key. Start way back from where you’re heading. You can always ramp things up. If you go straight in with an ultimatum, you have nowhere to go. You are much more likely to get an angry response than if you’ve eased into it over a longer period. Starting slowly also gives you time to read the person you’re dealing with.
6. Personalise the confrontation. Ask them how they got into the situation. Ask them whether they have any suggestions on how to resolve the matter. Find out if there is a solution you can reasonably and practically work towards together. It’s often worth investing the time in going through this process even if it’s going over old ground. Even if you know there isn’t any solution that they will be happy with, it usually helps if you can show you’re ready to listen and investigate all the options.
7. Empathise. People respond to compassion and genuine concern. If they believe you have their best interests at heart, they are far more likely to be receptive to any negotiations you may initiate.
How do you put this into practice? Several years ago, while working as a Police Officer, I saw a situation where a suspect in a large covert operation was refusing to cooperate in the interview process. I was initially on the periphery of the investigation, and I watched with mild amusement as three police officers took their turn attempting to persuade him to cooperate. They tried threats, intimidation, and finally plea-bargaining. Alas, to no avail. As I watched I noticed a number of things. He wore a wedding ring. He wore old clothes but kept himself well groomed. He was articulate. He had nicotine stains on his hand. What did these things tell me?
- He was married.
- He was not wealthy.
- He was proud.
- He was reasonably well spoken.
- He was a heavy smoker.
When the officers left him alone, I approached him, offered him a cigarette and sat down. I offered him a coffee and engaged him in a completely non-related conversation. Initially reserved, and still reeling from his previous interrogation, he opened up. I eventually discovered he was married, had a baby daughter and he worked in a blue-collar job. He came from a close family, and had a strong desire to improve his current circumstances. I explained the benefits of his assistance in the case. I intimated that it must be awful for such a proud man to have been inadvertently led into such a dilemma. The light went on. He assisted the police, and felt good about doing it. He didn’t feel manipulated, harassed or pressured. Why? I investigated. I personalised. I empathised.
To summarise, the key points to remember are:
- Read body language to identify emotions before they become problems, then work to reduce those emotions.
- Never start the meeting from your most extreme position.
- Never underestimate the effect you can have by taking an interest - personalising and empathising.
- NEVER compromise your safety.
Elke Meyer is a Brisbane-based presenter for Hattaway & Associates, Credit Consultants (www.hattaways.com) She has extensive experience in credit management and debt collection, the security industry, and the police and Corrective Services. She can be contacted at elke@hattaways.com